Nine things about ME.

9
It's been three years since I've had this blog and yet, I do have rare opportunities to publish posts. I seldom write because I'm amazed at the blogs I follow, ended reading all their posts then having no time to write my own.

8
I am the eldest in our family. I experienced a lot of hardships with my parents back then just to sustain what we have today. We're not rich, but we're surviving.

7
Isa akong Batangueno na nanirahan sa Manila dati. Batang kalye, pero lumipat kami sa subdivision sa Rizal na nuon kami lang ang nakatira sa buong street at hanggang ngayon kakaunti pa rin ang nakatira sa phase namin, simula nun, wala na ako masyadong kilala sa subdivision namin. Wala naman kasi akong ka-edad na kapitbahay na pwedeng kalaro nun eh.

6
21 na ako. Nurse na ako since last year. Ang bata ko pa, at mabuti yun dahil gusto ko pa maging doktor. Kung iisipin, 27 na ako magiging ganap na M.D. Dahil next school year ko pa balak pumasok.

5
Simula nung nag-college naging active na ako sa mga kung ano anong activities, leader ako sa Council nuon, at napaka-busy ko. Workaholic. AFter grumaduate ng Nursing, may trabaho na agad ako as Nurse sa Ospital. After 1 year, tumigil ako dahil sa pagbabalak kong magmed at wala ring saysay kung magpapagod ako as nurse. At sobrang naeenjoy ko ang bakasyon. Ang pahinga bago ang Med Life.

4
Hindi ako gwapo. Hindi ako matangkad. Wala akong appeal. Isa lamang akong common na tao. May nagmahal sa akin, minahal ko rin siya. Napakaswerte ko sa kanya. Kala ko siya na till the end. Pero mali ako, iniwan niya ako. At ayoko ng magmahal uli.

3
Nung nag-aaral ako ng nursing, di ko alam kung paano ako nakakapasa pero di talaga ako masyadong pala-aral. Pumasa ako ng boards na nagbabasa basa pero hindi naman todo basa. Kaya nanghihinayang ako minsan dahil alam kong kaya ko higitan yung iba. Kaya sinasabi ko lagi sa sarili ko, di pa ako nag-aaral ng mabuti nyan pero nakakapasa ako, pano pa pag tinodo ko pa. Kaya nahihirapan ako ngayon, kelangan ko matuto paano mag-aral. Paano nga ba mag-aral?

2
Virgin pa ako. Laging ako at ang kamay ko. Ako at ang kamay ko. Ako at ang kamay ko.

May nangyari sa akin dati. Last year lang, naexperience ko kung paano pagsamantalahan ng kapwa ko. Di ko sila kilala. Malalaki katawan nila. Dalawa sila. Mausok nuon. Sauna sa gym. Kinain nila si jr. Mabilis ang pangyayari. Di na ako nakapalag. Di ko malilimutan.

At masasabi ko pa rin, para sa akin, Virgin pa ako. At hanggang ngayon, Laging ako at ang kamay ko. Ako at ang kamay ko. Ako at ang kamay ko.

1
Nakita ko isa uli sa sauna sa gym na yun. Sa loob ko, Nanginig ako sa takot. Hindi niya ako pinilit, mag-isa lang siya eh. Imbis tinanong niya ako kung gusto ko daw ba, masarap daw ako, matamis daw ang nilalabas ko. Tumayo ako, Lumabas, di na uli bumalik sa gym na yun. Ang tinding pagmamaliit sa akin nun, post-traumatic.

Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

10

Lola (Grandma),

I Miss You! I miss your Pochero, Hamonado, Dinuguan argh! I miss talking to you, just seeing you. just knowing you’re near I find peace. Please take good care of yourself. wear as many clothes as possible to prevent hypothermia. You’re getting old Lola, take care of what you eat, and please wait for me until I graduate Medicine so I could take good care of you! How Iwish I could have a child right now so he/she can feel your love.

9

Jadea,

Congrats to your Orals! I know you worked hard for it. Well done! One exam to go tomorrow! Please Don’t get envious at me if I sleep all day 24/7 during these times. You don’t know how hard it was for me during my college days. I don’t even have sembreaks and summers back then. Modesty aside, I’m even part of different extra curricular activities back then, so you don’t know how happy I’m feelin this right now.

8

Daryll

Thank you bro! for introducing me running! For motivating me to go on, 10k is hard, never thought I would be able to achieve that. Thank you for all those advice. I’ll try to patch things up but I must say I don’t know when will things be okay again. In time.

7

Joey

I Miss you dude! we really need to talk about a lot of things! There’s a lot of political issues stirring. We have our lives to talk about, our dreams and girls. I hope things are good for you. I would love to talk to you. But on the top of it, I wanna say sorry personally for not being able to close the deal with CCNAPI. I really hope things will be okay and could continue allocate funds for our scholarship.

6

Jed

Being broken is hard! Please, do everything you can to save your relationship, at least no regrets, you did your best. But what the heck, if you’re not happy then go, love yourself more. I hope everything would be good whatever happens. That’s life. We really need to learn more about love. You owe me a lot of food okay!

5

Kristel

I miss you ate! You are really my twin, bakit ba pareho tayo ng nararamdaman! Kung maging tayo na lang kaya! hahaha Oh, joke lang yun! :) Huuuuug! Ingat! I can’t wait to see you and then hear you sing Fra Lippo Lippi songs!

4

Mom

I love you! Sorry I can’t say this to you upfront. It’s way too cheesy for me. Thank you, for supporting what I want in Life. Thank you! I will really give back by taking care of you and Dad when you get older. Oh Thank you for appreciating my Chicken curry! I will never forget that night.

3

NMAT

Please give me a good grade this time About 80-85! please. Help me to master you! I reaaaallly want to be a MD. time is ticking and you are the only requirement I need to get into a good school.

2

Carmy

I’m still hurting. You Broke me apart. I’m still shattering to pieces. I still can;t move on. That maybe is my problem I know. I gave everything, okay my problem again. That’s 4 years. I surrounded my life, dreams, everything. I hope everything goes well for you. and yes, Up until now I don’t want to love anyone because of you.You treated me just like a dress na pag nagsawa ka na, pinalitan mo agad! Tangina. ang sakit. I gave you a second chance, I’m prepared to give you a tird but I chose to walk away. I realized it’s better to give myself the chance naman. I hope you’re happy now for ruining my life.

1

God

Thank you Lord for your unending love, mercy and grace. Forgive me for holding back. Renew my heart again. Please make me feel accepted again. Let your will be done Lord. Thanks in advance.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

SICK!

There will come a day when you'll feel something like this.

Nauseated, Distraught, Demented.

I feel it now. It gushes through my veins.

I can't take it anymore.

I wanna live my own life, the problem is, I can't afford to tell my parents how I feel about my situation, I'm just too insecure.

I want to take medicine, that's all I wanted, but being a Filipino, with such low economy, my parents tend to force me to pursue me as a nurse so I can leave this fucking place and take them after a couple of years.

Don't they know how hard it is to engulf what they want for me.

It's very hard!

How I wish I could tell them that I know, I've had some mistakes in the past, but please support me still on taking Medicine.

I don't want to leave the Philippines. I have a big heart and passion in serving this country.

I concede again.

As I concede to my situation right now, behind everything that's happening in my life.

There's still this one person I'll also would like to concede as well.

To you Father, I know your plans for me, is to make me prosperous and abundant. I pray that you lead me to your way, and straighten thepath I'm taking.
Forgive me, for I have been harsh, lazy and above all else, a sinner.

Help me grow in your arms. Discipline me, and be with me always.

I'll wait for you, and I cast to you all this burdens I have here in my Heart. I love you Jesus.

May you still accept me as your beloved and priceless son. Thank you.

I concede.

Like any person who fail at some point, they need to accept the fact that they fail and to embrace the need to move on.

I for one, is now at this point. The point of Conceding.

I dreamt that I'll become a doctor someday, and up until now, that's the vivid dream I only want to pursue. I thought everything will be on its place, and everything will come smooth. I was wrong.

I got a low score on my NMAT. I was ecstatic. I didn't know what to do. It was all my fault. I didn't prepare for this, and this also meant that I'm not prepared for Medicine at all.

I only applied to one school. my dream school. I don't want to study anywhere but on that school only. I can enter I know, I have high hopes, I'm an alumnus there already, they can accept me. No school should ever turn its back on its fellow alumnus. and again I was wrong.

Months passed, still with high hopes, until one day, the hopes fade away. My life is ruined. I haven't enrolled to any school, and now I lost a school year for me to enter med school. I am losing time. and now I realize, how precious time is.

Now, I have to pay for the consequences, gotta prepare for the next NMAT, gotta have high score! gotta enroll to different SCHOOLS possible and will never lose any time again.

It's hard to accept what's going through in my life, I'm an achiever in my pre-med course. but I'll never forget the Life Lesson it brought to my life.

It became a scar. The scar of conceding.